I wonder if it'll be too late once we take this break.
Too late to catch up with each other because I'm starting to run so fast.
And we might even lose that chemistry.
Because all I know is that. It's freaking hard to talk to someone whom you've made the conscious choice to disconnect from.
Sure, it's awhile, awhile. But the whole idea still comes from the word 'disconnect'.
:( :( :(
I am starting to learn that a worship leader cannot continue the secret sin I used to commit.
And that my sin is also a sin that some of my friends struggle with.
So how hard can it get. How hard is it for God to wash me clean and to spray on a new coat of paint? (turquoise is pretty:)
I've been underestimating Him. But nothing is impossible for Him.
And nothing is impossible being NOTHING, even if you think you're inadequate or unworthy of His love and when you run away.. He still finds you in that secret place.
The place where you break down and start digging the desert sand for where you left your heart behind before you got distracted - because all you are now is just an entire heap of flesh without His Spirit.
It's there that the Spirit holds you throughout the night.
It's always nice imagining the Spirit encircling you (in a warm comforting way not the misty ghostly kinda scene) when you're in a corner, your fingers pressed against the wall gasping for breath.
Or maybe you show your desperation in another way, I don't know.
Yeah you may say, how dramatic can you get - well life's dramatic and the moment it hits you real hard, you can't gauge the drama that you're gonna stir up within or around you.
I'm not afraid of the drama I'm going to use to react to what the world brings.
Because emotions, whether heightened or not, are still emotions.
They represent what you're feeling and the more you keep them inside, they're just gonna bubble bubble overflow bubble some more and POP or KABOOOOM!!!
But there's one emotion I will not boast of.
That is rage.
Ah and I won't write long posts that include loads of vocabulary that portray how much misery I'm feeling at that moment in time.
Because there are loads of people out there in the world whose pain is worse than mine.
So what's a blog for really.
I should be journalling.
And I will be thankful that I am recovering from a fever instead of dengue or some weirdo flu.
Oh and I think people should really get over the fact that I have a fever and that when I'm near you, you shouldn't keep screaming in my face that OH YOU'RE SICK YOU'RE SICK because when you do that, I seriously feel like breaking every bloody bone in your body. But first it shall be your jaw.
This is not meant to be funny but I hope I can make you nice people laugh in my upcoming posts :)
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