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27.5.09

These past few days have been embarrassing and humiliating but deeply humbling.
It showed me that, to love someone for who he/she really is, has no logic.
Love has no logic. It's entirely illogical.
And it's almost like madness, with no reason.
Love is crazy. To love your enemy is crazy.
And crazy is where I must start from.

Walking down the escalator at United Square was poignant.
And it touched my heart.
God told me that when I look to the cross, I see how love isn't just standing in a circle with everyone holding hands saying "yeah I love you I really, really do".
But love is... sacrificial. Selfless. Un-selfish.
It's more extreme - it's till you say "I don't know who you are but I'll die for you."
It's so, so foolish. Absolutely jaw dropping and really just so.. deeply humbling.

That's why I'm going to apologise for what I've stirred up during the week.
For hurting people around me, for discarding a friend instead of telling her why I dislike her.
For being a gossip and for being mean.. for being really really mean and tactless..
So here's to Pricilla.
I'm just.. I'm just dead serious and sorry.
I'm saying sorry not because I want to make it all stop - the things people say about me won't stop but I'm saying sorry because.. I am.

I saw myself as human throughout this storm.
I saw myself as being equal as anyone else, having the same flaws as every human being on earth.
That I shall not put myself higher above anybody else and to tell them to change.
And I guess.. that's why I'm deeply humbled by what God has done for me.
Even if I was so undeserving but He saw me as worthy.
Worthy to die for.

Gossip just comes back to you.
No matter who you are, even if you're right or wrong.
It'll always hit you back eventually.
I hope this serves as an apology and yet, a gentle reminder somehow?
Because karma always works its way round.

Forgiveness is part of life.
So, um, this takes alot of tearing down of pride to do.
But I hope you forgive me for what I've done and said.
I know it's not easy for you to do that.
Even if I don't deserve it to the fullest extent but I won't even argue about it.
Because it's all about seeking the lost instead of defending the secure, isn't it?
Yep, if you don't wanna let this go, I'm fine with it too.
It's just a teeny heartfelt invitation to do so.
Sorry.

(Guys I ain't gonna delete any posts. It's not because I'm not afraid of being shown to you what a meanie I am, it's because I'd like you guys to know that. We're all errant, we all make mistakes. And I haven't done God's will, really, through the posts that I've put up. But God has forgiven you and me the moment we let ourselves be caught up with anger, pride and self-righteousness. I just want you guys to know what an awesome God He really is. And that we live by His grace and His mercy and not by our own. Because we are weak - but so, so strong in Him. Lots of love.)