Ok hi.
I went to cell feeling really, really down.
Bought Peanut Butter M&Ms and boarded the bus to church.
I felt like the living dead, felt like I was the root of every problem in the world.
So I got off the bus and walked into the carpark.
'Healer' was playing on my Ipod, the bridge of the song:
"Nothing is impossible for You" (x4)
As I was walking, a thought struck me.
"Nothing is ever impossible for Him, no matter how lowly you think yourself to be, He takes the weakest of people and He builds them into conquerors."
I started to cry. And during worship I let it all go.
Char and Joseph were there for me - just know that I think handkerchiefs are hilarious :)
I.. I belittled what He could do.
He is STRONG ENOUGH, BRAVE ENOUGH, PURE ENOUGH to BREAK ME, POUR ME OUT and to FILL ME UP AGAIN.
Stumbling's all part of the Christian life.
He told me to have faith through it all.
Last night He opened my eyes to what He did for Cara.
He lifted her up because He recognised the spiritual hunger she had for Him - and she's in the worship committee! :)
It showed me that God could use every single person to do mighty works for Him no matter HOW LOWLY they think themselves to be.
It just hit me so hard that I looked at Cara for a long time during cell.
I looked at how much she was crying, how much she felt tired of trying so hard..
Then Diane and the rest of us told her that He didn't forsake her because He was ALREADY working in her life, she just didn't notice it.
Because I guess it's really Grace that let her into Music Ministry, it's where God knows she can grow in.
It wasn't a coincidence, it was already planned out for her.
"Lord, even if we can't hear You or see You, we KNOW Your heart."
Lawrence's prayer spoke right through my spirit, it was filled with so much faith and I said Amen in my heart when he said those very words.
Hanging on is tiring, but God knows how long You can hold for and most importantly, He knows our hearts too. And He rewards.
Mmm I had the weirdest dream last night.
It somehow, replayed itself.
I dreamt of someone unexpected.
Someone who did something to show people she hated me yesterday, with the way she showed her middle fingers bunched up and all..
God told me to forgive that person, because she hasn't seen me completely.
I dreamt that I helped her walk down a steep slope of wet, cold grass.
She was holding onto a large sodden, wooden bar, the ones you get to touch or lean on in countrysides overseas during the beginning of winters.
And I told her to let go and we slid down on our backs, head-first down the little slope.
We rolled over and I said, "Hey that was OK wasn't it?"
And she grinned.
I don't know what she feels about me but all I know is that, I'm ready to forgive whatever negative thoughts she harbours against me.
Then I saw a beautiful blue country house with white leaf prints painted on it.
Absolutely stunning, I tell you. There was a swimming pool with 2 guys in it and I screamed "Heyyy!"
They waved back and grinned. They were gay, methinks.
I also dreamt of girls being tortured and turned into big, human-sized dolls.
I tried to save a friend but somehow she went up the bus that would eventually lead them to the factory.
They were so blinded and I started running for it, down the road.. then I woke up.
I also got kissed on the lips. I don't know who the hell that guy was but yeah it's freaky.
Chinese 'O' Levels are on Monday.
Heh.
