Hey babes :)
Nicole, Kelvin, Enzhao and I watched The Phantom Of The Opera at Nicole's place after school yesterday!
I cried two times. It's awfully heartwrenching.
We watched the play at The Esplanade before (which is obviously way cooler).
I got front row seats with my mummy because of some DBS package thing.
I couldn't believe that Gerard Butler acted as The Phantom in the movie.
He's GORGEOUS.
He's Scottish and his accent in P.S. I Love You sends shivers down my spine everytime I hear it.
All because it's absolutely charming.
Then later they tortured my eyes and ears by watching Lifesize - THANK GOODNESS YOU GUYS STOPPED WATCHING AT DISC ONE.
Tyra Banks is horrid.
So instead... we watched... MEAN GIRLS.
It's EFFING FUNNY. I SWEAR. Enzhao you know what I mean!
If you guys have the disc, or if you remember the part where The Plastics and Lindsay Lohan were dancing to 'Jingle Bell Rock'.. yeaaaah that part.
When Gretchen tried to stop the spoilt disc which played 'fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-' for 30 seconds and she stepped on the radio and it slipped off stage as she kicked it in Jason's face.
HA-HA-HA-HILARIOUSSSSSSSS
Kelvin, Enzhao and I were laughing like mad dogs on the sofa and Nicole kept giggling and turning back to look at us on the floor :) :) :)
And Karen, the dimwitted one, who predicts the rain and weather temperature with her breasts.
Ahhh funny.
Mean Girls told me a very important message too.
That if I say someone is stupid, it doesn't make me smarter.
If I say someone is fat, it doesn't make me any slimmer.
It impacted me in such a way that told me how useless it was talking about people behind their backs.
Yeah.. oh and I took the wrong bus home. I didn't know 77 turns into Sixth Avenue.
Annoying.
I went to cell last night feeling really crappy.I didn't even smile at anyone who said hi.
My eyes just swept past them when we made eye contact because I was so lost in feeling... lost.
I sat with my head leaning against the wall during worship.
And when we sang I See Grace, I started to cry.
It's such a beautiful song, you guys should really listen to it if you feel broken or somehow.. condemned.
Brian Hoo shared with us that it isn't by the works that we're saved but really.. by grace.
And grace means undeserved favour.
Brian knows about my addiction so I talked to him when everyone started going back to their cell rooms.
I told him that I keep stumbling and I started tearing and all..
And he told me that I'm going through everything he went through.
(Yeah sure, you can guess, I don't really care anymore. Everyone sins so here you go.)
He let me know that God loves me so much that His Spirit in me is trying its upmost best to fight my flesh.
Feels like my flesh is taking over - but I'm not going to let it.
He showed me how God loves me so very much because His Spirit is STILL in me.
And when Brian said 'He is here', I felt a comfort so great that my heart broke knowing I had done things to reject Him.
I've been avoiding God for the whole week, really, all because the devil kept telling me I wasn't good enough to gain His love and faithfulness.
But you know what, you bloody serpent? I am. I am and always will be.
Brian also told me, "You know, I think you have faith. Yeah. You have faith."
I knew God was there and He was glad that at least I didn't doubt what He could do,
I didn't see the lack of forgiveness and love in Him.
You see, I don't need to do anything to make Him love me more and He will not love me any lesser.
He struck down great kings and sent fire from the sky on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
People went back to those two cities and when they checked the soil, they proved it to be true- because there was sulphur on the ground.
God did a million things that proved how great He was and even greater when He used Samson.
Samson was a warrior used by God against the Philistines but He gave into sexual temptation,
He slept with the Philistine women but He still kept asking God to forgive.
One day he was captured by the women and his hands were tied and his eyes were gouged out by them.
It was then that he said "God, for one last time, forgive me."
And God used him in mighty ways despite all of his mistakes.
I want to be a lady and woman of you, Lord.Lord, I want to be used for Your Kingdom, to be used as a channel of blessing to the people around me.
I know I haven't been the nicest person around.
I know I laugh so much at sick jokes and I use vulgarities as my sentence punctuations.
But I want to get rid of those old habits, especially the one that has been blocking this connection we used to have. I want it back.
My Shepherd and King,
I find You within me,
For You are here.
My Lord forever, You are here.
The same power that conquered the grave lives in me.
This is grace.
