Not anger, not frustration- but feeling that I'm just.. not good enough.
Not good enough for friends, mostly.
Sometimes for my parents.
& the worst is when you don't feel good enough for yourself.
Like when you compare your personality to your body.
For me, both of them just don't combine well together.
& then people see a whole different you.
Eg. Boys look at the hottest girls around.
It takes time for people to discover who you really are inside.
The question is.. when?
When will people see that I'm not someone who cries for no reason.
That sometimes I just need someone to talk to.
Because people 'look down' on my emotions when I'm feeling that way.
They judge, they say I shouldn't feel or react that way.
Then I sit back and look at everyone.. who are they?
How come they impact my life in such a negative and hurting way?
And these people are utter disappointment to me, b'cos they belong to my second home.
At church.
Yes people do let me down to a certain extent.
I don't expect them to do whatever I want to do.
I just think that nobody should get left behind.
Like Charmaine.
Like Belle.
Like me.
How come you guys get so caught up in your own jokes.
We ain't invisible.
Suddenly it seems like we're the ones with the problem.
We bring the drama in, the hurt in, the 'humanity' in.
But all we're trying to let people see is the reality of how supportive we all are of you guys.
Yet, when it comes to us...
You flee.
*******
Singapore 2008 Formula One Grand Prix!:D
It was the bomb.
It's seriously God's grace that I attended it- without having to pay a single cent of a $2000 ticket!
Sky Suite Pass. Sweet, real sweet.
We're at the Swissotel Club on the 65th floor. That's the city skyline @ Shenton Way:)
And that's our very new Singapore Flyer and our fruit-related Esplanade!
The whirring of the race car's engines are like.. WOAAAAH!
Dad told me sound travels upwards, so it's MUCH louder up there! Haha
FINALLY! CARS! :):)
At this point, I'm capturing photos with my phone at a very high level- I'm freakin' out :/
She's extremely hot AND NOT MY HEIGHT! She's two heads taller than me :)Fani, her name is (I think) & she's participating in Miss Universe as MISS VENEZUELA this year!
All her friends- woah- they've got the hottest bodies that I've ever seen in my life.
Everyone's eyes were glued to them (esp their asses, legs and boobs), literally.
Loads of heavy make-up on the eyes and.. I really love eyeshadow :)
Really cool opportunity, this Grand Prix, and and and! She sat behind me in the bus :P
Could feel the heat eh? HAHAH
Upclose, Pit Exit Suite. These lanes are fasterx10 (& much more furious).
Orange & yellow race car, dunno who's in it.
Mmmhmm this car's sexy.
And finallyyy, before leaving.. :)
Awesome night it was, full of adrenaline and the rush of pounding heartbeats.
So anyway, I sat down to eat dinner provided at the suite & I was thinking..
How impactful these race cars are upon people's lives..
Big bucks, big girls, big you&me..
You're such a big star that you don't even listen to your kid talking anymore.
You don't listen, you just keep running, running.
Running to win- but for the wrong reason.
Money and power- they're like tools of the world and the devil that lead us into forgetting about God.
And trust me, if you were there, you'd forget about Him totally.
The sound of those engines are like. Gosh.
The fun, the chaos, the excitement, the pleasure that will never be satisfied..
Still, all these don't compare to the peace one finds in Christ when we break down.
I still choose God over everything I've lavished my favour upon.
Sadly, the favour I give God is probably lesser than what I give to worldly things.
But His favour on me is more than the favour He gives Jesus.
He's so awesome, amen?
:)
