Ushering celebrations for days that suck me dry in the month of May.

Hi-ho, I've failed Math and Physics again.
Physics pulled Chemistry down (who has tried its best to pass) and in the end- failure.
I noticed beads of salt water on my Physics paper.
But I wiped them away with my fingers anyway.

Blameless Blue Rupture

Tangled hair and twisted intestines.
Comfortable liars and pockets full of poses.
Drugged purple veins and dark, sworn secrets.
Life in exchange for failure.

Scrunched up tin cans and aluminium rings.
Scarlet poisoned apples lying next to roses.
Silver (blood-stained) necklaces embracing broken lockets.
Life held hostage waiting to rupture.

Make me over then tear me down.
Discard me of love and rip my gown.
Hold my heart in your hands and squeeze me dry.
"Skies lit up for you"- they're all lies.

- Loh Li Ling
14.05.08/3.32 PM

I wrote that in class.
Today, Nicole didn't come to school.
It wasn't okay, she's the only one who will always be there for me no matter what.
She's the only one I trust my emotions with.
After school, Shaun and I went to the canteen to eat, and Enik came along.
Then Shaun left to do his homework while Enik and I caught up.
She updated me about her life.
And while she was doing that, she was almost tearing.
I understood how hard it was for her to tell me about her breakup.
She told it to me casually at first, but as the fact slowly dawned on her, it wasn't very casual anymore.
It's as if she lost something sentimental. Something that she actually thought was of value for once in her life.
Then Darren asked her to go back to the classroom and I went with her.
They played cards and after awhile I went home.
While walking out to get a cab, I was thinking: "Lord? Why should I love you more than a guy?"
I mean, I know I should love the Lord God with all my heart.
But to what extent?
Why can't/shouldn't I blame Him for taking away someone I love? (If He ever does.)
And why are only people who waited upon Him remembered in the Bible?

Sometimes I wonder, Lord.
"Do I not love you enough?"
Yeah. I don't deny that- I haven't loved Him with my whole heart.
But why should I?
Suddenly I remember what Julian said to me at cell:
"You should love Him even through bad times."

Lord, maybe I'm not faithful.
But I love You.
And I blame myself for not working hard enough.
I'm such a failure- yet You lift me up.
I'm sorry.
Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere.

Ushering celebrations for days that suck me dry in the month of May.

Hi-ho, I've failed Math and Physics again.
Physics pulled Chemistry down (who has tried its best to pass) and in the end- failure.
I noticed beads of salt water on my Physics paper.
But I wiped them away with my fingers anyway.

Blameless Blue Rupture

Tangled hair and twisted intestines.
Comfortable liars and pockets full of poses.
Drugged purple veins and dark, sworn secrets.
Life in exchange for failure.

Scrunched up tin cans and aluminium rings.
Scarlet poisoned apples lying next to roses.
Silver (blood-stained) necklaces embracing broken lockets.
Life held hostage waiting to rupture.

Make me over then tear me down.
Discard me of love and rip my gown.
Hold my heart in your hands and squeeze me dry.
"Skies lit up for you"- they're all lies.

- Loh Li Ling
14.05.08/3.32 PM

I wrote that in class.
Today, Nicole didn't come to school.
It wasn't okay, she's the only one who will always be there for me no matter what.
She's the only one I trust my emotions with.
After school, Shaun and I went to the canteen to eat, and Enik came along.
Then Shaun left to do his homework while Enik and I caught up.
She updated me about her life.
And while she was doing that, she was almost tearing.
I understood how hard it was for her to tell me about her breakup.
She told it to me casually at first, but as the fact slowly dawned on her, it wasn't very casual anymore.
It's as if she lost something sentimental. Something that she actually thought was of value for once in her life.
Then Darren asked her to go back to the classroom and I went with her.
They played cards and after awhile I went home.
While walking out to get a cab, I was thinking: "Lord? Why should I love you more than a guy?"
I mean, I know I should love the Lord God with all my heart.
But to what extent?
Why can't/shouldn't I blame Him for taking away someone I love? (If He ever does.)
And why are only people who waited upon Him remembered in the Bible?

Sometimes I wonder, Lord.
"Do I not love you enough?"
Yeah. I don't deny that- I haven't loved Him with my whole heart.
But why should I?
Suddenly I remember what Julian said to me at cell:
"You should love Him even through bad times."

Lord, maybe I'm not faithful.
But I love You.
And I blame myself for not working hard enough.
I'm such a failure- yet You lift me up.
I'm sorry.
Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere.