I hear sentimental music playing from the TV speakers. It's cold outside, cooling actually, but the temperature is chilly enough to make me cry.
I don't know, I guess this weather seems to make me think about everything.
And it reminds me of the people I miss.
I wonder, really, why do I even have to feel a certain emotion in school.
I feel neglected.
C'mon.
I mean, I'm grateful that you guys understand it, but I just don't feel it anymore, you know?
I mean, COME ON.
Make us right again.
You guys tend to be so happy around our usual friends.
You ask, "Where's A?" or "Where's B?"
I wonder why, why, when you look at me, your face transforms.
And the way you (as in everybody) look at me.. I feel hideous from the inside out.
And guys, you know what? I'M ALWAYS THERE.
Maybe that's why I don't hear my name being asked for around you guys.
There's this girl who isn't even one of us.
Why include.
YES I'M THIS SELFISH.
WHY INCLUDE.
Why push me out.
Am I not cool enough?
Am I not one of you because I talk english too much and say wrong stuff?
Am I someone who laughs yet no one laughs with me?
AM I SOMEBODY YOU DON'T FUCKING WANT!?
I'm wicked, I'm harsh, I'm all the bad points put together.
But I'm tired of reading about my self-pity.
So I shall stop typing,
But do you see me?
You know what, guys?
You need somebody to be wicked, to be harsh towards you sometimes too.
Don't we learn from each other?
And I wouldn't stop anybody from teaching me to be a better man, girl, whatever.
I wouldn't stop anybody from understanding me more.
And I know, for one, I wouldn't stop myself from understanding you more either.
I must say this.
I love you all except for two others.
But.
I hate the way you guys make me feel.
You ask, "this isn't all about Liling what."
But I know you said sorry to me about not being a good friend.
Or something.
So I know, inside, I'm not asking for too much.
