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12.4.08

Dearest Ji Peh,
It has been 6 days after you left for a better place.
How's heaven with God?
I bet you don't regret accepting Christ eh? :)
We're all experiencing a massive heartbreak.
But I know we're just separated from you by our time on earth.
The last facial expression I remember was a smile.
A smile that touched my heart, because you were smiling at me.
With satisfaction, with pride that I'm your niece and I was there to see you.
You looked at me with an expression that spoke "You happy-go-lucky thing, I'm proud of you."
I remember touching your black jacket.
That was physical contact with you after such a long period of time.
I don't remember you bringing me places to walk. I don't really remember you giving me sweets either.
But I do remember you bringing fruits over, and everytime I walk past your house, you smile and ask how's my day.
"Ji Peh!"

I miss calling that.
Now I won't really have the chance to.
Right now I'm crying and I know you know how much pain we feel, just like God does.
I felt so much grief at the Mandai Crematorium.
We were all kneeling in front of your coffin.
And gawd, I cried so much and everyone was screaming out your name, especially your children.
I felt like my heart was breaking bit by bit for them and for you.
It was the second time I mourned of your death for the entire week.
I may not know what a great Dad you were,
But through that smile you gave me that very night,
I was glad I was there and I know you loved me very much.

I screamed out Ji Peh for the last time while I saw the coffin being railed inside for cremation.
I could feel their pain.
Your hands were the hands they held when they were younger.
Your face was the one they saw every morning.
Your voice was the voice which told them you loved them, you wanted the best for them.
Your soul was the one which played the most active role in their lives.
I really miss you.
Now that your body is gone, it doesn't mean you're not here anymore.

I really really miss you, Ji Peh.
This floral arrangement competition is for you.