Daddy just went out after lying down for awhile on my bed.I can feel my temples throbbing.
Hurts like crap.
I'm writing out the church camp theme song.
It sounds really weird, but I guess this shall be my very written first song that's gonna glorify God and sung for worship.
There's no theme actually.
Right now I'm waiting for Melina to come online to do the art project.
She's finishing up her art sculpture.
Sometimes I wonder what the shit will I everever do for art.
I don't want to stay at the same level. Mr Sairi says I shouldn't keep killing myself.
But that's how human emotions are.
They're unavoidable, you can't stop feeling this way or another about something.
And sometimes you're not jealous of that person, but you just wanna push that person out of your life.
You want to blame the person for making you feel this way.
And it's him or her who's the stumbling block everytime you try to succeed in something.
Its not as if they're setting the standard of your performance, but somehow, they ARE.
So I shared stuff with Miss Shamane Tan, told her about what has been on my mind since the beginning of the week.
I don't really need to break free, I just have to give my addiction to God.
Let go, and let God. Never knew how to carry that out.
But God doesn't want me to feel condemned.
And maybe that condemnation got me all burned up inside.. All anxious and worried about how I'm living my life.
Conscious and yet UNCONSCIOUS that God doesn't want me to "kill myself".
So yes, I'm sick with worry, and I'm down with the flu.
But I'm slowly picking myself up again, slowly taking everything that comes along my way with Him in mind, Him above all.
Cos I know my God saved the day.
And I know His word never fails.
Cos I know my God made a way for me,
Salvation is here.
Knocking at my door.
Asking, "Ling, will you let Me in? Let me take this pain, this addiction away from you. Let me free you from slavery of sin. Let me hold you in My arms. Let me bring you home."
I can never have enough of my Jesus.
I just want Him forever and ever.
Now I'm not afraid of the word "forever". Scary, but in this suffering which I cannot overcome, I'lll just know:
I can't but God can.
So that's the theme for my song.'
I can't, but God can.
(Just got off the phone with Melina.
She gave me ideas for sculpture.
SHE'S DOING A BALLERINA!:D
I don't know what to do.
Maybe I shall "make" JESUS.HAHAHAH.
Or a fishie. Mmm yay fishie.
OR AN M&M. OH YES SEXY-RED/BROWN-SCRAP-PAPER-M&M!)
So today someone called me a Dead Pig.
I didn't know it was me.
I didn't expect the guy who sits in front of me during Chinese to say that about me.
I heard him repeating it in Hokkien for about .. 4 times?
Thank God I didn't know it was directing at me; that's how God saves me from random remarks that hurt, knowingly or unknowingly.
Guard my heart, Lord, guard my heart.
Shit these shallow people.
I can forgive but I'll never forget.
