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profile entries tagboard links
10.11.07

Hello.
Today I saw the way Satan kills a person.
I also realised how over these 14 years, a mother has killed her daughter,
And how a person can self-destruct when they mix with the wrong company.
Personally, I'm crying inside for her daughter while my throat burns as I drink salted vegetable soup.
Because that girl used to be so much more.
She used to be someone who cared about others, who used to laugh at the silliest things in the world, who used to be my friend.
Now she's someone else.
Now she tries to be a person she isn't.
I'm sure she still needs advice as she grows up, but no one's there for her to hang onto.
I feel called to be there for her.
But Lord, how?
She lives far away from me, my fashion isn't glam enough to suit her taste, I have a fat body, I'm in a different school, I'm too "childish" for her - how could I ever be there for her?
I don't want that girl to be there for her, she's a total LIE.
Somehow the world has crashed down hard on her, and her own world is fading away by the minute.
It's like she has no more conscience.
If you try hard enough, you can still see my friend behind that thick eyeliner and pretty face.
Why is she letting herself get used?
Why is she even letting herself get USED TO these things?
Guys? Vanity? Cleavage? Vulgarities?
I'm crying inside, because God has got so much more in store for her.
I wish I could just hug her right now and tell her how much I miss her as my friend.
Because right now, I can't seem to find her anymore.
I wonder if she ever thought about how I felt for the entire time I was there.
I wonder if she ever did think about me, or if she remembers me for who I am.
And the thing is, I still do.
It really hurts to see someone end up like this.
I can't talk to her about who she is now; she won't listen.
People are always nice, but the motives Satan's got aren't.
They kill.
So hey, wake up.
Stop dreaming and wasting your future away.
Life's gonna be very hard for you when you grow up.
So realise it now.
Gawd I wish you were my cousin or something.
Then I can be there for you for as long as I live.

I hated today.
I hated seeing her self-destruct.
I don't wanna go out with those people ever again.
Or to places which invite Satan's presence.
I don't ever want to.
I feel the pressure, and it's not going away.
I still feel called.
God, help me to overcome.