9.01 AM.
Sitting on my swivel chair.
Half-painted dark purple nails.
Messy but tied up hair.
Thinking.
The only thing I feel is heartache.
Fan blowing directly onto my arm, not face.
Listening to We Are Broken by Paramore.
And I'll take the truth at any cost
'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And all the promise we adored?
Give us life again
Cause we just wanna be whole.
1.30 AM (still the same day)
Sat up in bed.
Told Johnna I felt giddy.
Sleep was futile.
Walked over to Mummy's room to sleep.
Did that; I felt like crying out of frustration.
Listening to Cinderella Story by Plain White T's.
So, tell me what happens next?
Its out of my hands, i guess.
I just don't know what to believe.
Why don't you tell me to believe.
Why did you let me leave?
It's not the way it's gotta be.
What's wrong with me?
Why don't you tell me to believe?
Why did you let me leave?
Is that the way this has to be?
6.15 AM.
Checked my phone, no messages.
Got up to go to the washroom.
Glad that I had slept through at least 4 o'clock.
Not so glad because of a nightmare.
I saw a girlfriend of mine looking at you lustfully.
Couldn't do anything to get your attention.
Hated the way you smiled back at her.
We were at gym class, at night, somehow at an empty stadium.
Not many stars in the sky, black black night. Awful.
Atreyu lyrics 'pull the stars out of the sky' playing in my head.
Lay back down in bed again.
Asked Mummy what time she'll be waking up.
Seven, she replies.
The only thing I felt was .. heartache.
Again.
Oh it's what you do to me.
Waiting for Herman's call.
We're all going to East Coast Park.
Before that, breakfast at don't know where.
I hope it helps the heartache.
Because the pain kinda sucks.
What am I saying, it's EXCRUCIATING.
This is what I feel when I can't be with someone.
Sure, it blows off.
But I'll always remember the way I felt/feel about that person.
I want youuuuuu !
7.9.07
