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13.7.07

It takes guts to wear FBT shorts out.
Let's see you wear them next year to camp then, gay shit!

Camp almost sucked all the life out of my poor, poor soul.
It wasn't just physically torturing, but mentally too.
I didn't understand why I was always the one to take what other people didn't want.
I didn't want it- they pushed it to me.
I'm a pushover, yes. And I wonder why am I like that.
Why can't I be bossy for awhile! Or complain and make people do stuff for me?
I'm from this well-to-do family which may be far better off than those people's families.
And yet I give in without being a little bit "xiao-jie"?
Well I guess that this shows I'm not spoiled (: But it kinda hurts sometimes,
When you know that true truuuue friends give in more than they take from you.
The FBT shorts issue was a big blow for me.
It was my first time wearing it during camp, and I've never worn them out before.
I got ridiculed on my first try, which honestly lowered my self-esteem.
I cried quite alot, especially infront of my group. And no one knows what to do when Liling cries.
I could sense that the guys felt quite apologetic for what they said about me.
But later I shook that mentality off. Because they aren't.
I don't wanna hold that grudge though.
I went for prayer and praise before I hopped over to the guys' cell.
A sister-in-Christ, Christina told us about her visions about ballerinas and scrubbing boards.
I learnt that to love, we have to forgive, if not God won't forgive that person too.
I'm gonna make that choice. I'm gonna bless that person while praying tonight.
No matter how undeserving of that grace, I know I have to let go of that hurt.
Much more people love me for who I am, and not by the shorts I wear.
Especially my tent buddies and girlfriends who are always there for me at school.
Vanida, Michelle, Nicole and Yuying :) Annabelle's pretty nice too.
Yeah. And judging by the judgement you have about me, YOU're pretty shallow.

ps: i know ryan koh's dirty little secret. muahahaa!