the storm keeps on twisiting,
keep on building the lies.
everyone has their bad days in life.
the morning was fine.
but i must say: i hate my maid, and i think my mum.
they take my weak points and the most sensitive topics to hurt my pride.
i dont feel independent anymore.
i dont feel like i'm able to withstand being in the dark, or being alone for too long.
i dont feel like someone mature.
i feel like i have to be tended to all the time.
i was in my towel, again.
and the wall was all i could use to hide my shame and tears.
i couldnt do anything. my clothes were upstairs; i needed my maid to get them.
she took so effing long just to finish her work when i really needed her at that time.
until my brother came downstairs. thump, thump down the stairs.
so the wall was my comfort, and something for me to lean on.
my maid has been giving me attitude for 2 days. i will not give in.
she glared at me with her fucking big eyes last night.
i have fucking big eyes too, and i can glare back.
if you ask me to choose joy and to forgive and forget, id rather not.
Lord, help me be strong.
dammit.
18.5.07
