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29.7.09

new lyrics
but so tired to type em out
cos i gotta piece em together

realised even if he has the most outstanding personality
no personality can ever measure up to Jesus
i wonder why i'm being put through this
i hope God tells me something once i'm over it
maybe He wants (very much) to have my heart all over again
and i'm just so unwilling to give it to Him

i'm eating an apple for recess
i will get back on this diet plan and shed those kilos once and for all
i questioned my motives about slimming down
and i have come to a conclusion
to prove to everyone that
i just need to do the natural and God will do the supernatural
cos dieting makes my moods fluctuate like mad
but He will make it easy peasy like ABC
even ABC is tougher

i'm happy i've got nice people around me
God will you not let gossip strike the tongues and hearts of my friends or even me
it will blacken our hearts
like molten slag in chemistry
we'll be so hard and so numb that we could be bitumen
and we could make roads
and when cars run over us
we won't feel the pain
but just that this pain is called Guilt
hello Guilt

Lord let me speak truth in every situation i face
let me not laugh or make sick jokes
give me a spirit of Restraint and a spirit of joy
that even in my pain and hurt i will know where comfort is found
C for comfort
C is in the shape of a cradle
See?
safe safe cradle that rocks me gently and that will not fall
because it is Your arms that i am held in;
Your love that i am embraced by,
help me to trust in You
that you will soothe and calm my raging seas and unpredictable tempers
help me be gentle and quiet
quiet but loud in a way that shows people
who I am in You

and friend
if i haven't been the Christian you wanted to see
i am sorry, truly i am, but i'm flawmore
not flaw-less
forgive me, just know that i am trying
if i have sinned against you will you forgive me
i beg for it, i long for your forgiveness
i am true and genuine
i pray you will grant me your love and your peace
and Lord, let them not judge me entirely
but to judge You for what You've done for us
all bad situations are not sent by You
You let them happen because they test our faith and You know how much we can bear
God we've made it this far
keep me and my friends strong

help my friends to taste then see you for who You are
to taste
to have that one taste
to open their hearts
to be vulnerable towards Your love
because once they have tasted
before seeing You for who You are
they will not take their eyes away from You
keep me and my friends strong
keep me and my dad and mom and my family strong

christianity is not a religion
because we don't work for grace to befall us
we don't labour in vain to be loved by the God who split the red seas
who struck down many great kings
who touched Michael Jackson's heart
because "at the end of the day, even the King of Pop must bow down to the King of Kings"
i love You, my mighty mighty Jesus
i am weak but You avenge the humble who have been judged unjustly
i am weak Jesus but You are
mighty.

in my pain
and in Your name i pray
Amen
(which means,
let it come true)

28.7.09

today i cried very softly
in class
nobody knew and it felt good

so many things are uncertain now
so much so that i really want to just throw my Dad's reluctance aside
and move on with the decisions and dreams that i want to come true, to take place

Cheryl told me
when God closes a door,
He opens up another

i trust You
i'll close my eyes and trust it, just trust it


sigh.
why is it you you you.
but then again
i have no regrets

wish i walked the whole earth with you

new song coming up on those words i thought of in the shower
the shower is a happy place
fuck i can't stop crying
i just can't stop

26.7.09

Blogger is not working properly. Which means I can't type in the big box like I used to and I can't change font or colour. And no pictures either ):

Yesterday was hilarious/fun/a teeny bit productive.
I don't want to go into detail - I can't go into detail because my brain isn't warmed up yet (lie).

Winsent is an OMG guy. I never knew he could talk about people in such an innocent but bloody funny way.
And Nida, being Nida, just the way I love her.
And Shawn, being insightful and someone to talk to as always, just the way I know he'll remain.

I bet Chuan Yong was secretly scared of the movie we watched, The Haunting in Connecticut. (ZAI!)
Cheng Ern disappeared before we could say bye! Aw.
Anyway, the movie was really disturbing. It wasn't THAT scary but keeping eyelids in a box with the lashes still intact is .. YEUCK and o.O at the same time.
Winsent and I both thought the eyelids were ginseng slices HAHAHA
I thought the main actor looked alot like Chuck Bass. It wasn't Ed Westwick acting though.
Nida told me to look at two guys diagonally behind from where we were sitting and they were covering their eyes and ears and looking really, really bewildered.
We obviously couldn't stop laughing.
And somebody spilled sprite on me when it was halfway through the emotional part.

Then we went to Bugis and studied at Mcdonald's.
I know I understood half of that Set and Notation topic and I drew the lion's eye on my artwork. So I did work.
Shawn and Winsent started laughing at my work because it looked weird and out of proportion - which I meant it to be!
Then after dinner we were at Starbucks and they said I could look like a cavewoman if I wanted to.
(With what? An entire strip of hair under my armpits like Year One?!)
And Nida said I look Middle Eastern-ish and they tried to make me feel better with all sorts of sweet nothings that did not captivate me at all!
I don't want to look like a cavewoman!
Cavewomen are ugly - OH YES THEY ARE :O

We left and when I complained about not liking bathing so late in the night, Shawn and Winsent said I don't bathe.
And they did some Malay accent shit like "cill cill" which means "chill" and when I started talking to them again, they were like "got ask you meh?" kinda thing.
I obviously laughed.

In the taxi -oh my- they tried to make me tell a secret so they started telling each other empty secrets and were like "Eh funny right? Funny right? Eh Liling, we are sharing secrets leh! See la, you don't wanna share! So funny right?!" Giggle giggle giggle.
Then I told Shawn stuff while walking to the bus stop before rushing home to a very grumpy Dad.

Jealousy is like poison - just that it penetrates your veins and bloodstream, not mine.

A pigeon has been walking on the grey roof opposite my view for 10 minutes now. Now it's on the brown roof. It's a pretty pigeon and there's another brown girlie pigeon at the top. Perhaps they're flirting.

22.7.09

I was just thinking that if God transcends all time, He probably knows the constant and source of randomness too.

18.7.09


I wonder if Ryang laughed at this.





It's All Your Fault - P!nk

I'd conjure up the thought of being gone

But I'd probably even do that wrong
I try to think about which way
Would I be able to and would I be afraid

Cause oh I'm bleeding out inside
Oh I don't even mind (yeah)

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair

Da da dada da dada da
Da dadadadadada da dadadadadada

I'm trying to figure out what else to say (what else could I say?)
To make you turn around and come back this way
(Would you just come back this way)
I feel like we could be really awesome together
So make up your mind cause it's now or never (oh)

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not fair

I would never pull the trigger
But I've cried wolf a thousand times
I wish you could
Feel as bad as I do
I have lost my mind

It's all your fault
You called me beautiful
You turned me out
And now I can't turn back
I hold (I hold) my breath (my breath)
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air (running out of air)
And it's not fair

(Oh yeah
It's all your fault)

I hold my breath
Because you were perfect
But I'm running out of air
And it's not (it's not) fair


16.7.09





If I were to get a tattoo,
I'd get one inspired by T&S,

Today I'm not in school because apparently, I'm suffering from ethmoid sinusitis.
It's very bad. I have migranes when I'm disturbed slightly.
And these headaches are like volcano eruptions.
My whole head gets hot but not feverish - see, reader, you don't even get me :O
I feel like I'm hanging from a thin piece of wire half the time.
It's as if I'm flying (which is good) but the throbbing pain SUCKS.
It's really painful.
I feel like crying again.
So this is where I think of happy soup stuff.

Last night Johnna made a hilarious sound when she was sleeping.
It was like "PUFFOOO" then a whimpering sound (like that of a dog).
"PUFFOOO" made me laugh the most. It sounded like a fart, just that it was verbal.
I had to smother my laughter under my blanket at 5 in the morning in case I wake her up.
She just came into my room and I told her about it and I fell onto the floor laughing like a maniac.
She said she was dreaming last night and she kept running but she lost her way.
Oh well. I didn't care what she dreamt about. I still can't stop laughing.

I LOVE TEGAN & SARA
They designed their own shoes on Macbeth.com
Me likey :)

TODAY I AM HAPPY
BECAUSE I AM NOT IN SCHOOL
SCHOOL HAS THIS WHOLE H1N1 VIRUS FLYING AROUND
AND I AM VERY DISTURBED BY THE WHOLE ATMOSPHERE IN CLASS
I AM ALSO VERY SAD AND ANGRY WITH MY MATH TEACHER
AS WELL AS MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER
BECAUSE BOTH OF THEM
EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF THE CLASS
SCREAMING "GO AWAY IF YOU ARE SICK"
I HOPE THEY FEEL WHAT I FEEL SOON
I FEEL AWESOME TO BE AT HOME UNDER THE LOVING CARE
OF A. MY DAD B. MY MAID C. MY ROOM D. SOMETIMES MY MUM E. MY GUITAR

zoom zoom!

13.7.09

The distance from me to where you'd be

I am
On my bed
Listening to Set The Fire To The Third Bar
Again

I came home
Took off my shoes and socks
Greeted a guest
And went into my room
Put down my bag
Sauntered into the bathroom
Took my uniform off
Took a good look at my coldsore
Stepped in
Doused my heavy heart and head with water
Slapped on loads of creamy soap
Gripped the sides of my arms
Looked at the dustbin
And wondered
If these feelings should be thrown away
Or if you had thrown these feelings away first
I suppose so
Since you were the one who told me to
Advance
Move on

Then slowly I started to cry
I said no
But they just kept gushing down
And with my sore, dry voice
I sang
'Like dreaming Pink wildfire
The last place we left off..'
And I washed up
Left my thoughts in there
Because you probably stopped halfway along this journey
Journey to nowhere
But at least its nowhere, isn't it?
So I
Looked at the selection of Brit Pop on iTunes
And thought to myself
How could I ever let you influence me in such a massive, disgusting way

So you can give me back my bloody heart
Before I turn bloopy
My freaking heart damn it.

So you can either look at me.
Or turn away from my eyes for the million-th time
I hate the way you make me feel
And guess what the best part is...
It's not your fault
It's mine.

11.7.09






I wonder if it'll be too late once we take this break.
Too late to catch up with each other because I'm starting to run so fast.
And we might even lose that chemistry.
Because all I know is that. It's freaking hard to talk to someone whom you've made the conscious choice to disconnect from.
Sure, it's awhile, awhile. But the whole idea still comes from the word 'disconnect'.
:( :( :(

I am starting to learn that a worship leader cannot continue the secret sin I used to commit.
And that my sin is also a sin that some of my friends struggle with.
So how hard can it get. How hard is it for God to wash me clean and to spray on a new coat of paint? (turquoise is pretty:)
I've been underestimating Him. But nothing is impossible for Him.
And nothing is impossible being NOTHING, even if you think you're inadequate or unworthy of His love and when you run away.. He still finds you in that secret place.
The place where you break down and start digging the desert sand for where you left your heart behind before you got distracted - because all you are now is just an entire heap of flesh without His Spirit.
It's there that the Spirit holds you throughout the night.
It's always nice imagining the Spirit encircling you (in a warm comforting way not the misty ghostly kinda scene) when you're in a corner, your fingers pressed against the wall gasping for breath.
Or maybe you show your desperation in another way, I don't know.
Yeah you may say, how dramatic can you get - well life's dramatic and the moment it hits you real hard, you can't gauge the drama that you're gonna stir up within or around you.

I'm not afraid of the drama I'm going to use to react to what the world brings.
Because emotions, whether heightened or not, are still emotions.
They represent what you're feeling and the more you keep them inside, they're just gonna bubble bubble overflow bubble some more and POP or KABOOOOM!!!
But there's one emotion I will not boast of.
That is rage.
Ah and I won't write long posts that include loads of vocabulary that portray how much misery I'm feeling at that moment in time.
Because there are loads of people out there in the world whose pain is worse than mine.
So what's a blog for really.
I should be journalling.
And I will be thankful that I am recovering from a fever instead of dengue or some weirdo flu.
Oh and I think people should really get over the fact that I have a fever and that when I'm near you, you shouldn't keep screaming in my face that OH YOU'RE SICK YOU'RE SICK because when you do that, I seriously feel like breaking every bloody bone in your body. But first it shall be your jaw.

This is not meant to be funny but I hope I can make you nice people laugh in my upcoming posts :)

zoom zoom

6.7.09

I am now treated unfairly and judged unjustly
but i will trust in the Lord and put my hope in Him
to prove you wrong and for Him to prove me to be your bloody definition of 'likeable'

Forgiveness is banging on my door
begging me to let it come in
into my heart
this life support-ish muscle
but how can it, it's not even pumping independently now
because your heart and your feelings towards me
DO NOT ALLIGN TO MINE

Dear Forgiveness, you can come in
but i will not say a word or take the initiative
because Forgiveness, letting you in
is all i can stretch myself to do
which is ENOUGH.

2.7.09

Justin says:
ass=drums
Ling remembers the God of Israel whose light broke through her night! says:
guys=leprechauns
Justin says:
liling=shithole with sugar and cherry fried rice\

Then last night Boon was like
"Oh do set one of TROPICAL tests"
Ahahahaha


1.7.09

i think these are the kinda moods that i hate
the kinds when you make a wish over your eyebrow hair instead of your eyelash
the kinds when you have soap in your eye but you don't rinse it with water in the bathroom
it stings, but you lean your head against the wall crying anyway
it's like when everyone thinks you're stupid
but then again, they don't mean it
then i think to myself, is it my period that's creeping up to attack my uterus again?
"i think so," says the womb, "i'm starting to feel heavy again"
"yes you dimwit, i gave the signal already!" says the pus-filled pimple on your face
you shrug and stare at yourself in the mirror, naked, and you aren't even shocked at how a foreign germ bubble and your sensory organ just communicated with each other
and you actually understand 'body' language
hahahaaa

kel's back in school
and so is nida
lynette and i had fun during chemistry
i seriously like physics practicals
art was very productive....... not.

okay so if you ask me how art thou (thee)
i think i'm moody and tired and i have essays to finish
but i can't blame nobody for it,
"because you were supposed to finish it during the holidays!"
now i don't feel like listening to anything
but Opera.
not phantom of the opera kind, no, but like the ones you watch in the Opera House in Paris
then the taxi drives you back to the hotel to get changed for dinner
past the eiffel tower that has glittering lights all over at 7.00 sharp in the evening
and past the black painted pole in the tunnel that Princess Diana's car crashed into eons ago
i'm smelling the rose scent of a soap bar i bought from Zagreb, Croatia
i really want to get away right now.
yeah maybe my family can afford it and all, but i shall work hard just like you guys,
i won't rely on any financial assistance until i prove to myself i can be as financially stable as to travel the world with a partner.

i will emphasize on one point.
do not. use my lingo.
for whoever tries to, don't.
you learn new words from reading books/ newspapers.
not ling's blog.

"The World's Best Job" starts today
Ben Southall is some lucky shit
so is my friend Kanika too~
nicole tee is the best studying table buddy i could ever have
and God knew just who to put me with
how come You know me so well sia...aa@@@...

no love-in today

28.6.09

Lord,
If ever I should fall,
May I fall at your feet,
And never away from You.

25.6.09

dear friends,

i just realised that the most annoying thing about doing english compositions on microsoft word is the cursor. it keeps waiting. it's blinking in my head now. it's making my blood boil.

your friend,
lll

24.6.09

















Revisiting Penang is amazing, as usual.
I just get a teeny bit bored because
1. I don't have my friends there
2. I can't use my laptop there
3. I can't use my phone there either
4. I don't actually know my way around, only to Gurney Park and Plaza
5. Sometimes I don't know political/business-ish Hokkien terms (so I obviously keep quiet and sit in a corner and listen to my iPod hahaha)

Tao Huay is officially my favourite food.
Give me that and I'll marry you. But I'm straight so you have to be a boy.
Apparently there has been a H1N1 case and it's from a Sec One kiddo from some Monday class in TLL.
I think staying elsewhere on some weird island and being under quarantine is severe torture.
If that happened to me, I'd at least expect my Dad or Mum to bring me books to read and demand for internet access.
See, now I'm typing and talking like a geek.

I just watched Inkheart on pirated DVD.
I really like Dustfinger (Paul Bettany). Because he's hot and British and he once made a living with the guitar.
I wrote a song yesterday morning with 2 random tabs.
(fingers are spreaded out on 3rd and 5th fret).
I felt like crying but I didn't - THANK GOD I DIDN'T.
Over a piece of crap like him.

Into Your Heart
You are to me
Imperfect but I like you
You are to me
Annoying but I want you around
It's like I obviously know
You love my company
And I know that you're just waitin..
To pull me in
Pull me innn
Pull me in..
Pull! me innnn

Into your heart
And lips
T-t-t-touch
Into your heart lips
Heart
Love
Lips

I've walked across this emotional bridge, burned it..
And burned it well.

18.6.09


ohkay!
hey babes!
i'm leavin for penang today!
i'm okay about it
but somehow on the other hand i'm not so okay
ah char and belle know why
make sure you guys be good
i will miss having people who know me inside out near me
sigh it's fine i'm only like 2 cities away

my fingers are sore again
from barring and shit
wish i could bring my sunburst along too
but daddy says it could get damaged on the plane
if i see a guitar in penang
i'm so getting it
i'll get you guys accessories, as always
or bubble gum and sneak it in singapore
shh maybe the police are on my case
chewing gum sucks they make your jaws sore
so don't count on it

above all
i want to cry
'lady in waiting' should do the trick.

love ya angel char belle cara lime jo lawrence kel nicole! love you pretty people always :)
ps: these kinda posts are for me because i packed my journal inside my luggage and i'm obviously lazy
i don't have anywhere else to pour out my feelings to
my wall's being very quiet today EH I AM NOT MENTAL
i'll try to come online when i'm there at my uncle's house
i hope i meet a new friend or two there
i hope i write a new song and when i come back
belle and lime can help me build it
love you guys so deeply
i guess these few days will be family-ish to the max
and i don't mind because i really miss everyone that i haven't been in contact with
Lord be with me, let your joy keep me and guard my heart always
i love You, Lord cos everytime i drift
and when i come back,
i always always always always always
find.
You.
there.
waiting.